Change of plans

The last I talked w/ you guys, I had a HUGE picture post about christmas. And yesterday I was going to talk about how I was having a sugar hangover, but things change (ill still post this later)


Yesterday at work, it started as a calm day. I had a 1 day old baby that was doing very well, but was born WAY too early.

Usually within the first 48 hours, the baby goes through, what we call, the Honeymoon Period. Basically, the baby is doing great! The baby might get extubated, have perfect vital signs, and just look comfortable. Then when the honeymoon is over, these babies get in big trouble. (They CAN have problems (and usually do) but every baby is different.)

not a honeymoon like this

That evening the baby was not looking good at all. Things went down hill very quickly and the team was called to come help. We were very busy w/ new orders and procedures. When this happens, everyone’s adrenaline is very high (stress levels are also). Luckily, the night shift came in around 7pm, and we had more hands on deck.

I didn’t end up leaving till around 9pm. Not that it matters the time, but I just felt so bad for the family (who I got very close to throughout the day). And also the tiny baby that was very unstable.

Then I heard someone ask the mom if she had touched the baby yet. (my adrenaline also dropping) And I started to cry. The mom wasn’t even able to hold her baby. I knew it was time to go. I couldn’t let the parents see me tearing up. I have a problem/advantage of wearing my heart on my sleeve.

isn't this really cute!

I also have a thing for talking too much. So I knew that after something like that happens, I need someone to talk to. And I realized, I didn’t have anyone at home. (insert more tears)

On the way home, I picked up Andrew from my parents who brought my spirits back. He said “Mom. I swear ALL I dream about is legos!~ I don’t know why…..” haha this came out of nowhere.

Andrew and I when he was a few months old 🙂






I immediately started laughing, while still crying. I guess I just needed my little guy. I put him to bed, made some dinner and called it a night.

And by dinner I mean REAL food. Usually, after a day like that I would reach for ice cream, sweets, and carbs. But I really didn’t do that last night. (luckily I dont have ice cream in my house haha)

I know this was a long post. Probably about something that doesn’t matter. But I just needed to get it out there. Thank you if you made it this far! haha

3 thoughts on “Change of plans”

  1. So glad you were able to post about how you feel…it is so important that you get it out and not let it stay in! You are such a caring, loving woman…for both your family and those babies! That is something that not everyone is meant for and you have found your true purpose….you give those families and babies what they need…that is who you are and that’s how you are made! Several of my friends have had their babies need a NICU and what they remember most about their experiences are the caring, loving nurses…you ladies (and men!) mean the world to those families in those days they spend with you….thank you for being you! 🙂

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